One Piece: the Cast
by littlelionalicious
Summary: One Piece is the best running show for the moment and will probably continue for another 15 years. But how does the cast feel about everything they have to do? AU in which everyone is an actor, working for Toei animation studio, who is filming the serie "One Piece"
1. Episode 399

**One Piece - Episode 399: Navy vs the Tree Admirals!**

"Ugh," Luffy sighed as he seated himself onto one of the many chairs in the waiting/talking-room. Or, how the cast called it, the 'trying-to-forget-the-trauma-room'.

"What's wrong, Luffy-_san_?" Robin asked as she left the recording-room as well.

"Today's episode was tiring!" Luffy whined: 'Not to mention the fight with the marines!"

"Like you can complain," Kid growled, sitting down onto a couch: "At least you didn't have to dodge a canon-ball from an idiot."

"Hey!" Luffy yelled back: "I only did what the script said!"

"If you had read the script you'd know there's no such thing described!"

"There isn't?"

"Of course there isn't!" another pissed young man appeared.

"Oh, Law-_san_," Robin greeted him. He nodded in reply.

"Because of you we were all in danger!" Law yelled at Luffy.

"You guys are stunt-men after all!"

"Like that matters! I don't mind throwing you out of the window, mister Stuntman!" Kid yelled in anger.

"Calm down Kid," Law said to his friend.

"Like hell I will!"

"So what?!" Caimie interrupted: "At least you guys didn't have to walk around for 3 episodes with a neck-collar! Or show up for today's episode and almost not say anything the whole time!"

"Like you can complain!" Sanji threw back: "I'm sore all over because of the stunts!"

"Like it's fun to be locked up in a fish-bowl wearing a fake-tail!" Caimie yelled back: "Do you know how difficult it is to act like you can breath underwater?!"

"Hey guys!" Rayleigh said: "What's wrong?"

"It's a pain in the ass!" Kid stated and almost everyone (except for Robin and Rayleigh, who didn't agree and didn't know what was going on respectively) agreed: "I was super excited to play in One Piece, but now I regret that decision! Not to mention our contract is for another 20 years!"

"But it's fun isn't it?" Robin asked.

"Super fun," Kid sarcastically snarled.

"Shut up!" Franky yelled. He entered, holding a coffee-cup in his right-hand: "I can't hear that word anymore!"

"Like you guys can complain!" in the doorway, Doflamingo entered, fully dressed.

"Doflamingo? Why are you here?" Law asked.

"Remember, studio lost some footage! Now we have to re-act the whole deal. And with we, I mean "everyone from Episode 398"."

"Not again!" they groaned, save for Robin.

"Damn it Toei, how do you loose footage!" Kid growled in frustration.

"I also heard from Toei that soon, they're going to film the whole war-arc."

"Ugh," Luffy groaned: "I'm like the only one of the Straw Hats, will be lonely."

"Don't fret!" Franky groaned: "We'll have to show up anyway, to film what we're doing while you're gone! Not to mention I'm going to the mountains so they can film real snow!"

"What's so bad about that?" Doflamingo asked.

"I need to walk around like "Cyborg Franky", do you know how cold that is? Apparently Toei wants me to be really sick so it will be "more natural". But I'm supposed to sneeze my own name!"

"Must be hard for you," Caimie replied.

"Um guys," a worker from Toei appeared.

"What?!" they all snarled, save for Robin and Rayleigh.

"The studio has decided to release a movie based on the whole Alabasta-arc. So we're going to part back to desert tomorrow."

"..."

"YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING US!"


	2. Episode 655

**One Piece episode 655 (The day where everything goes wrong)**

**-First Hour-**

"Alright, start!" Toei, the director, yelled.

Doflamingo and Law started running on the "island" Green Bit.

"Iyaaa~!" Chopper, Nami, Brook and Momonosuke screamed.

"…?" Doflamingo turned his attention to the younger actor and frowned. Law stopped as well.

"…?"

"What are you guys doing?!" Toei screamed into his megaphone.

"T-There… There's a giant spider on the ship!" they cried out: "Toei, hurry up and get it out of here."

"Cut!" Toei yelled in frustration: "Alright, Doflamingo and Law, take your original positions! We're re-filming!"

"You have to be kidding me," Law snarled. A loud boom interrupted the argument.

"Director, there was a crash with the electricity and the data!"

Toei sighed: "Law and Doflamingo, go back to the other side of Green Bit. Fujitora! Get over here! We're gonna start filming starting with the chase!"

"Wait… We have to run another time through the forest, almost breaking our necks?!" Law complained.

"Yes…"

"Why?" Doflamingo almost whispered.

"… We lost our footage."

**-First hour and a half-**

"Alright, that was good! Doflamingo and Sanji, take your positions!"

Using wires, the two actors were lifted into the air.

"I don't trust this," Doflamingo groaned and Sanji nodded in agreement: "Knowing Toei, something is going to go wrong!"

"Start!"

"I hear my friends crying in fear! Leave them alone!" Sanji yelled as he kicked into Doflamingo's leg.

"Here comes quiet a though one."

"S… Sanji!" the other actors on the ship yelled. Jora, who was chained on the ship, cried out.

"_Waka-sama_!" before sighing again. For two episodes now, she had been sitting like this, not to mention that during the re-filming of the chase, they had left her like this.

"Eh… Sanji?!" Doflamingo panicked.

"Um… What's wrong?"

"The wire! The wire behind you!"

Sanji turned his head around and saw the wire snapping.

"…"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

**-Second hour-**

"Sanji-_san_, are you alright?" Chopper, the young boy who had to dress up as a reindeer, asked as he brought a cup of coffee towards the falling man. Luckily, Sanji had been able to make the landing less dangerous by pushing himself up with his arms, but now they were hurt, not to mention his back as well. He was currently lying on a couch next to the set.

"Thanks Tony," Sanji replied as he shakily took the cup out of the boy's hand.

"You alright Sanji?" Doflamingo appeared.

"Finally got rid of the coat hm?" Sanji teasingly asked, knowing all too well just how much Doflamingo loathed the pink feathered coat. Okay, a feathered coat was okay, but why was it pink?!

"Yeah, so how are you?"

"I think I'll be able to act in a few hours. Just need to recover."

"We should've known Toei would screw up again. Just think about the Fishman-island Arc."

Sanji's mind briefly flashed back to the recordings from a few months ago and he almost threw up: "Never talk about _that_ again."

"Fufufufu~… I really wonder what happened."

"It was as horrible as the recordings of the Battle of Marine-ford, if I can believe Luffy."

"Oh yes, those recordings were horrible."

"So what is Toei-_director_ going to do now?" Sanji spat out the word "director".

"They're gonna film the Dressrosa-events first. I think they're just done with changing the set. I'm going to look at it."

"Yeah, see you later."

**-Second Hour and a half-**

….

"I can't stop crying!" Bartolomeo said, obviously saying his text wrong. Toei face-palmed. Bartolomeo had been reluctant about playing in "One Piece", but after fully understanding his character, he never wasted a chance to break the professionally atmosphere in the studio and embarrass him.

"Why's that?" Zoro asked, trying to go along with the flow.

"The tear-drops have irritated my eyes so bad, I think they'll be red!"

"Oh you poor boy, don't you treat your eyes like toy," Zoro tried to rhyme.

"-s," Kin'emon coughed.

"Eh?" Zoro turned towards him.

"It has to be toys," Kin'emon said, before he started shaking: "I mean, that would be correct, but you don't have to listen to me~."

"You're too shy!" Zoro complained.

"CUT!" Toei interrupted.

"What?" Bartolomeo yelled, descending from the stairs behind the paper-colosseum outside: "We did great, didn't we."

"NO YOU DIDN'T! Forget it, we're going to skip to the next episode to record while you guys try to stay professional!"

"That's impossible," Zoro interrupted, leaving the set.

"Why's that?" Toei barked back.

"Sanji plays a major-role in the next episode right? That's what the script says! And Bartolomeo does too."

"Then the next, next episode!"

"I know a certain female who won't be happy with that," Bartolomeo darkly muttered and Zoro sighed, reading his thoughts.

_Rebecca_ was going to skin Toei alive.

**-Lunch Break-**


	3. Episode 465

**One Piece episode 465 (Return of the Madness)**

**A/N: Please note, each chapter is about one/two-episodes. However, the order will be random (first chapter is about an episode that might be later than the one in the third chapter). This is because Toei keeps on loosing footage and sometimes, they film episodes and keep them in storage. Currently, all viewers are watching all the episodes up until the Arlong Park Arc, so Toei has enough time to film the episodes in a random order. This is necessary, seeing as the actors and Toei have a rather strained relationship.**

**Sincerely, Toei's assistant, Littlelion**

**-First Hour-**

"I can't take it anymore!" Doflamingo yelled. He seated himself onto a chair next to the set.

"What's wrong?" Crocodile asked, sitting in front of him. He was playing around with a cigar, trying to figure out how to talk while holding it between his teeth.

"This is never going to work," he muttered darkly.

"I know that feeling," Smoker appeared: "I have to walk around with two of them."

"I hate this Arc!" Doflamingo complained: "Everyone has to run around randomly, yet all according to the script. Not to mention I have one good quote in it and for the rest, I have to stand and look like I'm drugged."

"Heh, at least you don't have to "fall from the sky"," Crocodile replied.

"…?"

"You probably haven't read the script so far, huh?"

"Nope I haven't."

"I'm really shocked Toei is going to try it," Smoker scoffed.

"Why not? Yesterday, Sanji fell onto the ground because the wires weren't good," Crocodile answered: "And we won't even have wires."

"Eh?" Doflamingo was browsing through the script: "Here stands you guys fall "from the sky". Doesn't that mean you need wires attached to yourselves in order to fall gracefully and safely?"

"Safely?" Crocodile raises his eyebrow: "This set looks like it can catch fire anytime soon."

"I'm pretty sure that's going to happen when Rocinante joins us."

"Rocinante? Who's that?"

"Hey Doflamingo, you're not allowed to tell them!" Law said, sitting next to the latter.

"I got it."

"But I agree. The studio is going to burn down. Well, it would be Toei's fault in the first place. This whole studio is unsafe. The wiring is bad, the electricity falls out now and then… Not to mention his camera's suck, since he always loses footage."

"You'd actually expect him to be able to get decent material," Crocodile interrupted: "I mean, One Piece is getting pretty famous…"

"Who knows," Law said, chewing on a sandwich.

"I didn't know you ate sandwiches," Doflamingo teased.

"Shut up! Honestly, Toei better explain why my character doesn't eat bread."

"Probably some stupid reason. All Law ate as child was bread so now he hates it," Doflamingo laughed.

"Sounds like Toei pulled a reason out of his ass."

"He pulls enough reasons out of his ass whenever we question him," Bartolomeo appeared.

"Bartolomeo?" Law asked, surprised: "Why are you here? You're not included for the next episodes right?"

"I still don't get why Toei films the Sabaody Arc, then goes back to the Marine-ford Arc to finish the last episodes and in-between that he jumps to Dressrosa."

"Well the fans still have to watch a lot of episodes, so he has time."

"Noooo!" Toei screamed: "The footage!"

…..

"I'm gonna KILL THAT BASTARD!"

**-Second Hour-**

"Aaaaah!" everyone who fell from "the sky" let out. At the ceiling, the paper-warship was hanging onto some wires.

"Why are you guys yelling?!" Toei yelled through his megaphone: "You're too soon! And not everyone else has to yell!"

But the actors didn't listen.

"G-G-Ground!" Ivankov yelled.

"I hate my life," Crocodile groaned, not even caring anymore.

"TOEI BASTARD! WHERE IS THE SAFETY NET?!" Buggy cried out.

"….? Did I forget it?" Toei wondered.

CRASH

**-Third Hour-**

"I'm going to kill him!" Luffy yelled. Everyone who had painfully crashed into the ground was lying onto some beds, next to the set. Unlike Sanji, they had landed pretty badly.

"You okay, Luffy?" Law asked as he sat in a chair next to his bed.

"Law! Do I look okay?!"

"Call me Traffy," Law replied: "Or Torao."

"Why?"

"I'm getting used to it."

"…Fine."

"You guys okay?" Doflamingo asked.

"Doflamingo, just shut up," Crocodile replied, a vein appearing.

"Attention people!" the assistant of Toei appeared: "Seeing as we won't be able to film the Marine-ford Arc, we'll be filming some episodes of the Fishman-Arc."

"But that was already over!" Luffy complained.

"It's… For the movie of it…"

"How stupid. Toei promised me the Alabasta Arc was the only Arc with a movie adaption," Crocodile interrupted.

"What's the real reason?" Bartolomeo growled.

"…Eh…. He…"

"…?"

"….Toei-_san_ has lost some footage…"


End file.
